Being well motivated after that, I got back on Craigslist and I have to share this one article that I found cause it totally cracked me up. Even the website that it points to is amusing:
Wanted: Six Missing Velociraptors in the North Hall area - $5150 (Gainesville)
Date: 2010-08-09, 1:54PM EDT
Here is the deal: I run an unlicensed dinosaur cloning operation in an abandoned chicken house off Price Road. Yesterday, several of my Velociraptors broke out of their cage and are now running loose in the North Hall area. As I was tracking them last night, I found pieces of a cow near Short Rd. I assume this is their most recent location.
I need help recapturing these raptors before they lay eggs and infest our fair city.
If you can kick butt with the bo staff and nunchucks, have an assault shotgun and an awesome hat and do not fear death, please e-mail me immediately. I will pay $5,150 for each raptor safely returned to my laboratory/chicken house.
If you make contact with any of these fearsome creatures, DONT PANIC. This resource will give you better chances of living another day:
This should all be over soon.