Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Dear So and So

Dear People Who Owned My House Before Me,

I can understand your bold usage of sea foam green on the walls in the dining room, the chartreuse green on the bathroom walls and the magenta on the cabinets. I mean, after all, even though I painted over those horrible colors, to each his own, right? There's a bit of gypsy blood in all of us lovers of color, or why else would I have painted my downstairs half bath a gorgeous, yet subdued, brick red?

What I can't understand, not even a little bit, was your approach to so many other things in this house. Why, oh why, did you decide that half-assed solutions to decorating and building were good ideas? That back deck? Not up to code I'm afraid. The hack job that you did when you put up a ceiling fan? You know, the one that fell out of the ceiling? That was also not up to code by the way.

And let's not forget your shoddy job with wallpaper in the bathrooms and kitchen. I suffered through your hideous taste in the paper that you picked. I also suffered through peeling off three layers of the foul stuff in the bathroom and two in the kitchen. I'm afraid the third layer had to remain on the walls in the kitchen as you never used primer on the walls before you laid the paper down. I learned that lesson from the bathroom.
I've repainted your kitchen walls and they look much nicer now. I'm still working on the wainscoting area, but things are going well now. I've gone from the disastrous wall paper above to this:

And finally, to this:

The white is just a primer (like you should have used), another color will soon be added that will go well with the wall color. It will be arriving asap.

But I'm afraid what makes me furious is the fact that you painted over the kitchen cabinets without priming them as well. I began working with them in an effort to repaint them and guess what? Your paint is now peeling off way too easily and is messing up my efforts. I will probably have to use paint stripper on all of the cabinets and their accompanying doors.

I have kids. Kids and paint stripper don't mix well. What the hell were you thinking? Could you not have done all these jobs correctly from the beginning and thereby paving the way for the next family to decorate their home in the colors and manner of their own choosing? Would that really have been such a stretch?

Are you now doing this to your current abode? I shudder to think what the next family will have to do to repair your imaginative use of color and your handywork, I really do.

And furthermore, do you know how much time you have sucked away from my knitting, spinning and dyework? I sadly think not. May you forevermore rot in the hell of your own wallpaper, paint and shoddy repairs of your own devising.